Mother of five.
wife for two decades.
The memories of my former life are getting fuzzier now.
A life where 80% of my brain space was occupied with an ever-growing list of grievances against myself, my kids, my husband, my house, and the world at large (why the hell did my daughter’s fourth grade teacher assign so much homework!?) — and the other 20% was just concerned with keeping us all afloat.
I constantly wondered how much more I could take.
Was it supposed to be this hard?
As awful as that time was, I wouldn’t take it back even if I could.
Because that struggle paved the way to more joy, passion, and heart-bursting love than I ever could have imagined.
My kids still fight and often don’t do what I ask the first time I ask it.
My husband still doesn’t always see things the way I do.
My house is still a mess more often than it’s tidy.
From the outside… not much has changed.
but from the inside,
this life of mine is almost unrecognizable.
3 shifts that changed absolutely everything
Life isn’t supposed to be happy all the time.
Living a full life means experiencing sadness, disappointment, anger, and hurt. Accepting this truth meant that I could stop adding layers of resistance and shame, which only prolonged negative emotion.
Unconditional love is an inside job.
I wanted to show love to my husband and my kids EVEN WHEN they were having a bad day, making less than ideal choices, or falling to pieces. But when I couldn’t show that kind of compassion to myself, there was no way I could give it to them.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
I told myself that by prioritizing my family above all else, I was being a good wife and mother. LIES. I’ve been chasing my dreams for the last few years and while it means less time at home, my family is getting a happier, more excited version of me, who no longer needs them to be a certain way so I can feel good about myself.